Back to Life, Back to Reality

Alright world. I'm resurfacing.

As in, back in to the Internet-World I go.

So maybe I should say, Goodbye World, I'm leaving....

I don't know.

But what I do know is that all of a sudden I have split personalities and I cannot juggle both on a day to day basis. Meaning, either I am Writer-Rachel that can keep up with the Internet and all the demands of Social Media. OR. I am Mommy-Housewife-Rachel where I fulfill my duties of motherhood and wifedom and forget the Internet ever existed outside of online shopping.

PS. If you're a Totsy fan. And your girls have American girls. They're running Dolly and Me Specials!!!! This was very exciting to me because I have been looking everywhere for matching pajama sets for my girls and their new dolls but I didn't want to pay an arm and a leg.

Literally, I considered bartering my right arm and left leg. In the end.... I found Totsy. Whew. Close call....

Anyway, I found sets cheap on their. And now I have something to make the girlies work for until they come in the mail. Yep, I'm that mom. And I haven't found a better way for them to keep their room clean.

If anyone has any ideas.... I'm currently considering reading a parenting book. Just to get my children to clean their room properly.

Although I know it's more of a mix of me being extremely OCD when it comes to cleaning and them being 5 and 3. Don't judge me.

Also. Don't recommend BabyWise because apparently that's a big issue these days... Yikes!!!!

As if I could stick to a schedule anyway! Ha!!!

Anyway, where was I????

Oh, so now that we are officially on Summer Vacay and the Dance year is on a break. Ha. Just kidding. We get the week off. A WEEK.

Plus today I'm calling about gymnastics.

Yes, school is out so I decided to fill up all that space with gymnastics....

But here is the thing. Stella wants to learn to do a cartwheel. And I'm sure as holy hades NOT the one to teach her in all my ginormous pregnant glory!!!!

I'm pulling in a professional for this one.

There are other reasons too. Like I'm afraid Scarlett will pick up on Stella's apprehension for anything semi-dangerous and lose her fearlessness.

So we're getting that child in as many dangerous-opportunities as possible.

This week Gymnastics. Next week Motorcross.

JUST KIDDING!! I truthfully, don't even know what Motorcross is.... It could be raising kittens for all I know! Except I really want to go with my gut and say it has something to do with motorized bikes and a dirt track... I think there was a Disney Movie about it once.

:)

Anyway, I'm in full-on writing mode now. Which I know is what I've been saying for weeks now... But let's get real, life got in the way. Like WAY in the way. Not to mention this baby is making me completely brain dead. COMPLETELY.

In fact these June releases might be the most confusing things you've ever read. Thank the Lord for Jenn Nunez!!!!! She'll save you guys, don't worry.

But first things first, I need to get all the Star-Crossed Books up and for sale on Create Space.

Oh, PLUS Endless is available for sale on the NOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!!! Just in time for me to take it down and put up an updated copy of it!!! :) But I'll go a different route this time around No worries. I will NEVER do it that way again!!!!!!

I want to chit chat about Recital and how amazing my kiddos did but it will have to wait until another day! It's time to get to work. And I mean that. I might even turn off my internet for a while. Things have got to get done.

So I guess now I'm living in the inbetween worlds of interacting with humanity and interacting with the Internet world. My entire existence might just come into questions. But don't worry about me. I'll just be typing frantically away at this here computer.

Or asleep on the keyboard.

Either one.

Slammed

My face is puffy. Like really, really, really puffy.

My eyes are all swollen.

My lips are all swollen.

My throat hurts...

This can only mean one thing: I stayed up until 2AM last night balling my eyes out!!!!!!!

Ok, and if we're going to be honest, this week has been a tad emotional for me.

More than a tad. It's a bit on the rough side of everything that makes my heart hurt. (More on that in a minute, because even though this week is rough, it is not the reason I was up until 2 in the morning crying...)

And if we're going to be honest. I am really pregnant. And could possibly be considered emotionally unstable at this point.

I cried yesterday when I was telling Zach a story about Scarlett.

He asked me if I was crying.

So I lied and yawned and told him I was yawning.

There wasn't even a reason to cry. My eyes were just leaking fluid....

I can't control my emotions anymore! I have a Dental Consultation today and I'm very, very afraid it will bring me to tears. Somewhere between promising that I take the BEST care of my teeth and they are still like this and arguing with them on my theory that bad teeth are IN FACT genetic... (No dentist believes my by the way....) I will shed tears and prove just how irrational and emotionally debilitated I really am.

Thanks to this baby.

:)

But last night's tears might have happened pre-pregnancy. They might have happened post-pregnancy. I can't really say. I do know they definitely happened DURING pregnancy.

And for good reason.

There is this book that has been recommended to me over and over and over. And not just by Amazon... No by people I really trust. My editor, one of my dearest author friends, other Indies I know are singing the praise! Plus, I kind of adore the author that wrote it, even though we're not besties yet, I'm sure it's only a matter of time!!! :)

But right now, in this two-book-writing-frenzy in the middle of the craziest spring of my life I just don't have time to read.

I wish I did.

But I don't.

And so I haven't been. In fact, there is a book that is seriously on the top of my TBR List that I have been dying to get to!!! Ahem, Chance Encounters by J. Sterling....

And so I pushed this book, thinking I would get to it after my June releases. Except then.... I knew I would have another set of releases coming up. And after that more. And I really need to start spacing my deadlines out better!!!!

But last night I had TWO live author chats. Two of them!!

Do you know why I had two of them??? Because I definitely got the times mixed up in my muddled brain... Yep, I promo'd a Live Chat for 8-9, which was really happening from 6-7... I'm awesome. Or confused... Seriously, seriously confused...

Like the kind of confused people talk about when their grandparent gets Dementia....

So, anyway, I think it actually worked out really, really well in the end. After I got over the initial horror of being a complete and utter airhead!!! And after Zach had a seriously hard, long laugh.

He was like, Rachel, we're EARLIER than the East Coast.

And I'm like theoretically I know that.

Apparently in practice, I forget... I mean, I just get a little confused. (It sounds like someone's about to ship me off to a Memory Support Center doesn't it???)

Anyway, after two of those experiences and having the best time, I was honestly exhausted!!!!

It wore me out!!! My head was spinning like crazy!!!

So, I sat down on the couch and opened the Fire and found Slammed by Colleen Hoover. I had read the first chapter, so I decided to just read a little bit more.

I had also already cried during the first chapter, and I wasn't even all that emotionally involved yet....

But the whole premise of the book is that the main characters dad has just died.

Yep, that will get me every single time. Someone's dad dies. I cry. Someone's dad almost dies. I cry. It's just what happens.

Anyway, I got SO wrapped up in the book I stayed up to finish it. Balling my eyes out the ENTIRE way!!!! Zach went to bed, the kids stayed silent in their slumber and I cried. And cried. And cried.

It's a beautiful book. And I really mean that. Absolutely beautiful.

There are these heart-wrenching, moving, gorgeous poems throughout. The book reinforced my love for the Avett Brothers. And each story, primary or secondary throughout the book caught me... moved me...

Fantastic read.

I so highly recommend it.

And I cannot say enough good things about it. And you probably won't cry like I did!!! Don't let the tears scare you off. Remember?? Emotionally leaking over here!!!!

That being said... This was the WRONG week to read it!!!

Oh this week.

It was hard to watch my dear family celebrate Mother's Day without my cousin Bobbi. It was really hard to watch her young children carry on through life, celebrating with their family without her. Sometimes life is put sharply into focus when those that mean so much to you have to approach something so "normal" differently. When a generally happy day means heartache and pain for those that you love.

That was hard.

And it's been getting harder. The more time passes from when she was with us, the harder it gets.

It's also been hard to watch as one of my lovely dance moms faces one of the hardest times of her life. Her father is dying, her sister-in-law is suddenly riddled with healthy problems, her sister has a tricky pregnancy that has to be constantly monitored and last night her niece of that same sister had to be life-flighted to a different town because her body was just shutting down. Just out of the blue, she was sick and in a lot of medical trouble. It's hard to watch as someone you care about has to suffer through that. But mostly my heart is breaking for her! And if you think about her and her family, please pray, their cup is full. Oh. So. Full.

But the hardest this week. The hardest reality to face is approaching recital without Joey.

Honestly, let's be really honest, I didn't know him super well. I mean, I did to an extent. I saw him three days a week. There was a friendship there. I respected him. Enjoyed his company. Laughed with him. Trusted him with my children and not just in class, but with their future. I was shaken, just like most of our dance community, by his death.

And I knew moving on would be hard.

But I didn't expect this kind of hard.

And I really, really didn't expect this kind of hard for my kids.

Competition Season brought back all kinds of memories of Joey and laughing, stressing, poking fun at the crazy side of the dance mom world.

But it's nothing compared to the connection Joey shared with Recital. (Probably because I only went through One competition season with him and several Recitals.)

So here I am sorting through my own emotions over the whole thing, and really just missing Joey and the light and ease he brought to our studio.

The skill he taught with. The perfection he demanded. Even from four year olds. :)

His good sense of humor.

And then my children come again and shake me to my core.

Last Saturday, we spent the morning at the studio, just like every other Saturday and then we had some things to pick up at Target. Well, the kidlets were STARVING, as they usually are after a morning of dance and so we picked up a quick and easy lunch in the Target Cafe.

I know. We're classy folks.

But I could order whilst Stryker stayed strapped in the cart. So for me that is one seriously IDEAL situation.

Anyway, we sat down and were eating talking about this week. Stella finishing up the school year on Wednesday and then on Saturday we finish up the dance year.

Not that we get the summer off or anything, mind you... Oh no! But, technically the year is over.

So we were talking about Recital and how many dances they are both in and what the day would be like and Scarlett, my little three year old Scarlett who I was certain had all but forgotten about Joey, says, "But mommy, Joey won't be there, he's in heaven with Jesus...."

I think I mumbled something like, "That's right honey...." while I tried to process how much of an impact someone would have to make on a two-year-old-at-the-time for her to remember him so long after the fact.

We fell silent for a few seconds when Stella looked up from her gross microwaved macaroni and cheese and said, "Mommy, I miss Joey."

And I said, "I know honey, I miss him too."

And Stella said, "No mommy, I really miss Joey. I want him to come back and teach me again."

And as I was about to respond to her broken little heart while her eyes filled with tears, Scarlett spoke up, comforting her sister and said, "Don't worry Stella, we'll see him again when we go to heaven!"

And if I wasn't already on the brink of tears....

Stella replied with, "But I don't want to wait that long, I miss him NOW!"

Yeah, I'm sure it's perfectly normal for a mother of three and hugely pregnant to breakdown in the middle of Target.... The security cameras probably didn't even think twice about it! I know the grumpy old man a table away did his best to ignore us.

But really, truly, I was heartbroken all over again for my kids. My children that I thought moved on.

And not in a callous way, but in a they're-way-too-young-to-really-be-affected kind of way....

Plus, my girls are not like the other girls in their class. They are NEVER overly-affectionate with anyone!!! The other kids in their class will talk to Fran(Joey's mom who still runs reception and owns the studio now and is there daily) about Joey and hug her and interact with her. My kids are way too shy. They just kind of smile and nod when she talks to them.

They're like that with EVERYBODY. They are total hide-behind-mommy's-skirt kind of kids.

And that's how they were with Joey. I knew Stella loved Joey's class but it wasn't like she was ever going to tell him that.

So I was floored by their heartache. I really was. And it both makes this week so much harder and so much more special.

There were t-shirts made for recital and they have a picture of Joey dancing on them and the girls TREASURE those shirts. They really do. And they treasure their time spent with Joey and their memories of him. Memories that they cling to and are apparently going to be around for a while.

So anyway, as we head toward Saturday and what is surely to be a very emotional weekend at the studio, Slammed was actually exactly what I needed.

I cried.

A lot.

But better to get it out now.

No, better to just get it out. I wasn't allowing myself to cry like that before since I'm already so over the top emotional. But I did need that.

And I can hide under the pretense of a great story and feel better about myself!!! :)

Sorry to dump on you. I didn't actually mean to share all that.... But Joey deserves a tribute. And my heart is filled that my children can be part of it.

Mommy Wars

First of all, Please don't forget about the Live Chat I'm doing tonight from 8-7pm!!!

We'll have a really good time and just talk about... well, whatever you want to!!

If it were up to me, we'd discuss the season finale of the Vampire Diaries..!!! What Happened????

Let's start with the fact that my TV watching has dwindled down to Two shows that are now over for the season. Justified. And. The Vampire Diaries.

I DVR a bunch of other shows, but those are the only ones I don't have a million episodes waiting for me.

So before I say anything that will get me into trouble, I should tell you that I LOVE the Vampire Diaries. Love it.

Damen.

Yes please.

But.

Why couldn't Stephan just unbuckle Elena and let her swim to the top???? OR. Why couldn't he carry them both??? He's a vampire. With super strength. For goodness sakes....

Plus, with all that time spent arguing underwater, I really felt like unbuckling the both of them, grabbing them each by the collar of their shirt and forcing them upwards really would have solved a WHOLE bunch of problems.

Plus. Jeremy says that if Rick is dead than Elena also must be.... But. Really. It's like one of those geometry questions.... (My mom is a geomotry teacher...) Rick could have died without Elena dying. Wasn't that the whole plan??? But if Elena would have shown up as a ghost than Jeremy could have said. Then Rick must be dead too.

Right???

I know I know I know. We're talking television drama here... It's not rocket science and I am really, really trying to let it go.

But it irks. me.

And Rick's death made me cry.

Although there aren't a lot of things these days that don't make me cry.... Third trimester is officially two weeks away.

But I think I've hit my stride a little bit early this time around.....

Mainly because I am so tired and exhausted this HAS to be the third, or we are going to be in seriously trouble if it actually gets worse.

Like as in, my liscense should probably be taken away until after the baby is born. And bedtime has just moved up to 7:30PM if we're lucky.

Sorry kidlets, you'll be putting yourselves to bed for the next three months, mommy has slipped into a pregnancy coma....

Speaking of the kiddos. Mother's Day was a fantastic day yesterday.

We spent the majority of the day just hanging out around the house and getting ready for our Mother's Day Dinner.

I got to spend time with each of the kiddos individually, which sometimes it feels like I never get one on one time with them.

But last week we bought a curling iron(I've never needed on before....) for Recital, so we practiced Recital Hair and I got each girl alone and still for a good forty minutes. It was really sweet.

Plus. They LOVED their hair.

It helps that the Hairspray I have now is AMAZING. (Thanks Lindsay!!!)

Zach spent the day grilling ribs and changing poopy diapers. And Then in the afternoon his family and my mom and our dearest friend and adopted... I don't know what to call her. She's more than an aunt, but not old enough to be a grandma!!! So our adopted... Katie came over and we celebrated being a mother.

Which really means that you do all the stuff mothers are supposed to do. Mother's Day is NOT a day off of being a mother. It's a day filled with extra motherhood...

There were still fights to break up. A house to pick up. Dinner to serve. Children to scold. Hug. And cuddle. There were still diapers to change(Although, I really did call a day off from the stinky ones!! :) There were teeth to brush and boo boos to kiss. And even dishes to do.

Although... The boys really did try to do the dishes. They gave it their best effort.

It's just that.... To be frank. My Dishwasher is not connected to a garbage disposal... Entire plates full of food just will NOT get clean unless you rinse them... And. There is a definite, concrete order to putting a dishwasher together! You can't just throw the dishes in there all willy nilly. I need order!!!

Ok...

Sorry....

I've been called somewhat of a Dishwasher Nazi.

Zach is usually afraid to go near the thing.

And I can't blame him....

Anyway, it was still a great day to remember the best things about being a mother, even with the worst things mixed in.

There was this incident... I'm calling it a "Drive-By-Scratching" and if Scarlett's forehead looks like she just crawled out of a Lion's Den on Picture Day for Recital this week... Stella might have to answer again for her transgressions...

:)

Just kidding.

We'll just make-up her face like we're trying out for Toddlers and Tiaras.

No worries.

If a spray tan is in order. So be it.

Haha!!! Just kidding!!!!!! Again....

Although to be fair, I do not judge the spray tan. Spray tan away.

Just don't take your child into a tanning bed with you.

That's where I draw the line!!!!

Except even then I feel bad saying something, just because of this whole Mommy Wars debate.. I think it's awful!!!

Between the Stay At Home Mom Vs. Working Mom Debate. To the Attachment Parenting Controversy on the cover of Time Magazine, I just hate it for moms everywhere!!!

Since when does the media get to pin mom against mom????

Aren't we all in this together??? Isn't there this universal understanding that being a mom is the absolute hardest job in the world and if we don't support each other, if we don't give one another the knowing eye across the grocery checkout lane and the sympathetic smile when it's not our child throwing an Oscar-worthy temper tantrum but some other poor mom in arms???

Debates wage on for the best way to raise your child. And sure, we all have our own opinions. We might even look down on other moms for their tactics and techniques, but at the end of the day, we give each other the benefit of the doubt because we are all doing the best that we can.

Save for those moms that make the headlines, sending us cringing to our children's bedsides where we wrap them up in our arms and promise to NEVER cook them in a microwave or drive them off a cliff... or whatever other craziness is out there.

The key to motherhood is doing the best job you can for your children. Whether that is working outside your home, devoting your life to raising your children in your home, or trying to manage both and working inside your home.

A friend of mine recently gave me this insight and I ADORE it. She said, "God has equipped each parent with the tools they need to raise their child. It is our responsibility to follow our instincts and raise our children with the best of intentions."

Isn't that encouraging???

I love that.

I love knowing that I already have the tools. I have access to the insight to do what's best already.

For me, I need to send my children to private school, I want my girls in dance because they adore it, I won't give them canned veggies and hormone-free-milk is our newest investment.

I know my decisions don't make sense to a LOT of people.

But they're my decisions.

And they're my children.

And the great part about being a mommy is that you don't have to do things identically with another mom to have an instant connection and lift each other up.

I have my five year old on a traveling competition team. I'm a stay at home mom and hire help. I seriously considered homeschool for a LOT of years. I am on my FOURTH kidlet.

None of those things could be true for you.

You probably, most likely, in all honesty think my dance world is craziness. Especially if you watch the reality shows... You might thing I'm awful for hiring help and not doing my job. Homeschooling might sound like torture to you when public school is more than fine. And four kids might sound like the seventh circle of hell.

But we are still moms. We still get up way to early and stumble around the kitchen in search of a semi-healthy breakfast. We still put up with temper tantrums and tears of plenty. We stay up for hours worrying about our children's futures and struggles and day to day problems. There are still countless teeth to brush, stains to scrub out, boo boos to kiss and fruits and veggies to push.

We really are in this together. And who's to say what is the best way to do it other than doing what's best for our kids???

Mommy Wars is disgusting to me. And shame on the media for giving it credence.

And shame on Time Magazine for making a nursing mother blush....

:)

PS. If you're wondering, I TOTALLY look that fabulous when I nurse. I mean, what woman doesn't????

Anyway, in light of Mother's Day and ALL of the hard work each and every one of us puts in, I say congratulations for making it this far, even if your baby is a day old. It's an accomplishment ladies. And know that you alone are your harshest critique. The rest of us are in this fight with you. And even if you get the stink eye across the restaurant, our tempter-tantrum time will come and we will be right along side you just doing the best job we can.

Rat Race

Ok, so I have SO much to talk about.

But NOT a lot of time. So... I have to keep this short and sweet. Zach is running his VERY FIRST race today. I am so proud of him.

In general people that run seriously irritate me. Like it's an issue I think I need to take up with a psychologist.

And my Facebook Feed is just FILLED with all these darn runners, sharing their running experiences, logging in their times, talking about their races and blah blah blah.

Here's the thing.

Yes, I'm jealous that they're in shape and I'm not. I'm pregnant with my fourth child and the last six years of my life I have spent either pregnant or nursing.

I would LOVE to be in shape. And able to run.

But no matter how skinny I get, here's the thing. I am NEVER going to be a runner. Ever.

And so all I see when people talk about their running accomplishments is a long line of small-boobed people that either are men, or can get away with a sports bra and NOT having your bubbies drag across the pavement.

I just think to myself, Congratulations on having small boobs. Why don't you just brag about it????

Am I bitter??

Uh, yeah, a little bit....

Don't get me wrong. I like what I got. I'm a total Jerry Springer Makeover Episode, when those women are screaming, "If you got it, flaunt it!!!"

But still... There is this former athlete side to me that would love to be mucho-active again. More than just safe walking or an elliptical machine.

But I have Connective Tissue to worry about folks. In a few months I will be nursing my fourth child. I have to give these puppies the best care I am capable of.

At least until my boob job.

But that's a different blog. (No, I don't have anything scheduled.... But ask me again when this brand new nugget moves to solid foods...)

Anyway... Why am I talking about my boobs????

What I mean to say is that normally I am irritated by runners. But now that Zach is all into it and is running his first race and is thinking about a half marathon for the fall, suddenly I find it VERY sexy.

Ok, not with everyone obviously... Like I'm not ogling my entire Facebook Feed.... I promise, it's just the hubs.

Plus, I'm so proud of him. And I keep telling him that.... And I really think it's weirding him out. But what can I do???

So I'm going to watch and cheer him on. Or at least enjoy some great quiet time while he runs his race and then there's this after party thing directly following.

Because it's so not a normal 7k. And I think this is the reason Zach wanted to run it in the first place, but it's sponsored by a brewery here in town and it's actually like a beer run.

Already you can tell it's different because it starts at 5PM instead of crazy early in the morning. And then in the middle of the race they have a Beer Break, where they actually stop to drink two beers.

Does this sound like a puke fest to everyone else??? Plus they're running ALL trails.... And then at the end there is a beer party and a band.

There is also a rumor that you have to drink two beers before you even start. But we'll see. That sounds like a recipe for disaster....

Anyway, it should be fun for Zach!! And have I said how proud I am of him lately????

:)

Lest you think he's totally an inactive slob... He is SO not. But he comes from a family of ADHD Sprinters. Zach is a soccer player and could play a 90 minute game every day of his life. Long distance is just really not his thing.

He finds it boring.

Which I find hilarious.

His sister chose to do track instead of soccer and she complained about a 200m being too long!!! Those Higginsons just like to sprint in short little spurts and be done with it.

Granted they're usually faster than everybody else... but still. When halfway around the track gets boring for you we're suddenly speaking a language I don't understand. :)

NOW. To what I REALLY need to talk to you about!!!!

On Monday. As in two days from today... I am going to be joining a Live Facebook Author Chat with two very talented authors: Jackie Druga and Angela White. Angela White is hosting, and it should be super super fun.

Here is the press release:


Three bestselling Authors join up for an hour of Q&A with readers!

Jackie Druga, Rachel Higginson, and Angela White have taken the indie world by storm with their gritty fantasy novels. Outselling even giants like Random House and Simon & Schuster, these three writers will be live on FB for a Q & A session with readers.
-This chat is not sponsored by facebook and does not contain prizes or contests. There will be free book links provided.

Let’s meet the authors…

Jacqueline Druga is a native of Pittsburgh, Pa. She is a prolific writer and filmmaker. Her published works include genres of all types, but favors post-apocalypse and apocalypse writing. Currently she is in production of her third full-length feature film in which she has written and is producing. She is best known for her novels Dust, The Flu, and Sleepers and had more than three dozen works available.

Rachel Higginson: I was born and raised in Nebraska, but spent my college years traveling the world. I fell in love with Eastern Europe, Paris, Indian Food and the beautiful beaches of Sri Lanka. But I came back home to marry my high school sweetheart and now I spend my days raising our growing family. In those few spare moments I have, I am either reading or writing Young Adult Fiction, because I am Obsessed with it! – Rachel has 4 books currently available, all part of her Star-Crossed Series.

Angela White: Little pleases me more than to explore the fantasy, horror, sci fi, and romance stories that get stuck in my head. Knowing other people also like them is second only to the magic of this new career I've chosen. As a die-hard Cincinnatian, I much prefer writing to the stresses of being a city Taxicab dispatcher. – Angela has 11 books currently available, including the Life After War series.

And now for the readers… hey! That’s you!

To attend, simply ‘like’ the author’s page (Angela White)(Rachel Higginson)(Jackie Druga). As the chat starts, the feed will appear on your wall and you can question or comment at your convenience. Authors will only be live for one hour, from 8pm-9pm, CST time. After that, you will be asked to direct your comments to each individual author’s FB page. – Links will be provided.


Notes

*This chat will likely contain spoilers. You’ve been warned.
*Immediate ‘unfriending’ will occur for unruly posters.
*No spam allowed – more ‘unfriending’ for a first offense. 1 warning will be given –1 group warning counts.
*During the chat, links to books, free and otherwise, along with websites and other things will be posted by the authors. Just the authors, unless one of them ask for something from you specifically.
*Do not post your private information.
*Facebook is not responsible and neither are the Authors or anyone else for anything that may happen while you visit. Please be polite.
*Be sure to sort your wall to ‘most recent stories’ so you’ll get the feed when it comes up.
*All three authors love hearing from readers and encourage fan mail at the addresses they will provide. Please do not overload their FB message boxes.

*****

So that is SUPER exciting, right??? And you can join in and ask me any questions you want to!!! Well... Not ANY questions, although close, I did just blog about my bubbies didn't I....??? But for sure I will be answering questions about the Star-Crossed Series, talking about my upcoming Starbright Series and getting to know you whilst you get to know me a little bit better!!!

Spoiler Alert: I'm even crazier than this blog lets on.... And that's the sad truth. :)

But you should definitely come by and chat!! I LOVE hearing from everyone and I have an uncanny ability to talk in circles without ever making sense.

Haha!

So, get ready for Monday. It might be the only time in my life where I'm actually completely uninterrupted by children. I'm not promising coherent thoughts or finished sentences or anything.... but I AM promising you will have ALL of my attention.

What's left of it after the bun in the oven stole the majority.

Swelling and Shrinking

Ok first things first.

ALL THREE KIDS ARE ASLEEP!!!!!!

And the angels sang in heaven folks.

What is happening to the world???

Especially because today is a laundry day which usually means nap times are iffy if at all existent...

But they got into trouble.

At Target.

Well... Technically on the way home from Target, but you get the idea. So there punishment was to lay on the couch whilst I switched over the laundry and they had to be still and quiet.

Yes, I knew exactly what I was doing with the three year old. But the five year old went blissfully down with the ship as well and now I've enjoyed almost an entire hour of peace and quiet.

Yep. Yep.

It's been glorious.

And I've had all the time in the world to change into my brand new Target dress. I had to buy this new Target dress because I apparently over dressed today and was sweating my eye sockets out in Jeans and a three-quarter sleeve shirt.

I mean... It was getting uncomfortable.

So I bought a maxi.

I promised myself new summer dresses and so I am justifying this purchase into falling into that category.

Not to mention my stomach is GINORMOUS and so I needed something roomy.

When I went in to the doctor for my twenty week appointment, I was measuring under average AND the baby measured a little smaller than average in the ultra sound.

So I was measuring like 18 at 20 weeks.

Last week I went in for my 24 week appointment and I jumped up a little.

No. Not a little.

I jumped up so much my doctor actually exclaimed, and I do mean exclaimed literally... "WHOA!"

Because in four weeks I went from measuring a little under to measuring 29!!!!!!

I do not have small babies. I don't know what crazy part of me thought I was capable of having smaller babies... But apparently that part is also a little delusional and a whole lot forgetful.

So I'm huge.

And if I'm honest with myself, this dress makes me look HUGE. But just in the stomach.

The rest is all my kind of normal.

It may or not be huge all on it's own.

:)

Although.... Can we just talk about something. Because in addition to my stomach growing ginormicon, my boobs are also following suit.

And can I just say, I CANNOT have bigger boobs. I can't. I don't know what to do with them!! And forget EVER doing a serious workout again. Walking. Walking is about all I'll allow these bubbies to face.

There is connective tissue I need to protect here people!!!!

But there are other parts of me. STRANGE parts of me that are starting to shrink and I'm getting kind of worried about them.

Not weird parts.

Just strange parts.

Like my feet for example. Suddenly all my high heels are too big. And not just a little to big... Like a half size to big.

My ankles on the other hand are swelling up might nicely. Ugh. I have never had swollen ankles before... I've always had winter babies.

Except for the first time I was induced and they used pitocin. I didn't know ankles could get that big.

And so I'm a little bit worried about what is going to happen with the cankles...

My feet are fine though. I find this so strange!! Who at 28 starts to get smaller feet?? Anyone? Seriously, I need ideas.

Could I have osteoperosis of the feet? Is that a real possibility???

And it's not like just one pair got a little over stretched or something. No, ALL of my shoes are too big.

On top of that. My HEAD IS SHRINKING!!!

I have a case of shrunken head syndrome and I'm not even lying.

I bought these sun glasses and they fit perfectly. If not a little snuggly on my head.

Now, I can't even keep them up. Seriously, they fall down my nose. And if I bend over they just fall completely off. Plus, they are too big to prop on top of my head like a headband.

What is happening?????

It's out of control.

Super annoying.

And it's the first time my nose ring has ever come practically into service. Literally my sunglasses rest on my nose ring.

So. If you see me on the street don't be alarmed at my dwarf sized feet sitting under globe sized ankles with a beach ball sized tummy and a little, itty bitty head.

Plus, my hair is not shrinking. Just my head. Imagine THAT for a minute....

This could be a bad thing. Part of me always leaps to cancer. Yes, cancer caused the shrinkage.

But part of me wonders if it's just my hypochondriac brain tumor healing itself... In which case a shrunken head could be a good thing.

What? Every time you guys get a headache you don't automatically jump to a brain tumor and death looming on the horizon????

Huh... What an interesting way to live....

Milk and Other Urban Legends

Ugh. What a day!!!

And it wasn't terrible. And it wasn't awful. But let's be real, sometimes being a mom is REALLY hard. And trying to be a good mom is even stinking harder.

I'm pretty sure I'm failing.

And I'm not sure what to do about it.

I've been having these panic attacks lately. Partly because I'm prone to them and partly because I'm pregnant and filled with all kinds of irrational fears.... But my oldest, Stella, is off to kindergarten next year.

This is depressing all on it's own. Well, Ok, SOME DAYS it's depressing... And some days I can hardly wait to kick her little back-packed booty out the door! :) Just kidding.

Mostly, I can't believe how fast these years have gone. Just yesterday I was holding that little Eskimo, rocking her back and forth gingerly because she had bitten off my nipples(That's a whole different story) and thinking about the endless days ahead of us, just me and her.

And now, I could make a countdown clock for the little darling when she leaves my daily charge and I entrust her into the school system.

AH! Where's my paper bag??? I'm starting to hyperventilate!!!!

But I digress... Because this is NOT what I usually hyperventilate about.... Oh no.

I just can't believe my initial training of my child is done. Of course I will STILL be her mother and the majority of how she turns out still rests on me. But now the MAJORITY of her days will be spent away from me. I have to hand her over to teachers and friends who I don't know, with parents I don't know, to be subject to the cruelty and innocence of child all at once.

And I don't like it. What if she is the opposite of me and hates school. What if she has a hard time learning and struggles with it daily. What if she makes poor choices with friends. Or worse. Poor choices with boys.

Yes, she is only starting kindergarten... But still. This is the beginning of the end. And I'm worried I'm going to lose my little girl.

But more than that I am worried I haven't done enough.

Is she really prepared for kindergarten??? Have I done my job as a mother to equip her with the right tools?? Will she be polite...? Will she obey her teachers and listen to them? Will she be kind to everyone and a good friend?

I hope so.

I hope I've done my job.

But I can't say for sure.

I teeter between thinking I've failed her as a mother and getting so excited for her to start this brand new journey.

And it's making me a crazy person.

And it certainly doesn't help that people keep asking me when the baby is due and I say August and they keep saying, "Oh wow, that is going to be here before you know it!! That's like SUPER SOON!!!"

All I can think about is that yep, my baby is due the exact same week Stella starts kindergarten. That is soon. That is way, way, way too soon.

If only I had the stamina, patience and super-human ability to homeschool.... Those women are stronger than me. I'm so not cut out for it. Believe me. I tried.

But at least then I would feel as though I had a few more years of complete control before the rebellion of adolescence rules their little lives....

At least hopefully, by the time Stella starts school I will have had the baby and will be a little less irrationally emotional about it. (Since I'm tearing up right this very second....)

Or not.

Well, even if I can't control this part of my child's life and even IF I feel like I've failed her as a mother, I can at least do my best in another aspect of parenting.

Milk.

Yep, that's right, milk.

So, on our last day of Bible Study a few weeks ago, the ladies were talking and some very disturbing information was spoken regarding Milk.

As in what you drink.

What goes on Cereal.

That kind of milk.

And stories were swapped and all that jazz. And I walked away from study that day not thinking about Jesus, but in fact terrified of the milk sitting in my refrigerator.

Oh yes.

Which, to be honest, I have these totally weird views on milk anyway. Like, I have never pushed my kids into drinking it, I limit them to one glass a day and that is mainly to break up the water cycle for Scarlett because the girl wants to drink juice 24/7 and since she's only allowed one glass of that(And it's mixed half and half with water already....) I feel bad fighting with her about beverages the rest of the day.

But in college I read some books on how harmful milk actually is to the human body. Our bodies are not meant to digest it very well, and everybody to a degree is lactose intolerant.

Some are obviously worse than others.

But most people have bowel issues directly after consuming milk and/or get stomach aches....

But that's not why I gave it up....

There have been lots of studies linking Milk to leukemia in children, autism, multiple sclerosis and other diseases.

And that terrifies me.

In fact, the whole argument of the books I read were that No other species drinks another species milk that is meant for their young. In fact, after a while even cows stop drinking their own milk. Where as if you look at meat and vegetables, other animals and what not consume both of those. But not milk.

Our argument FOR drinking milk is that it's a great source of calcium, when in fact it's not. Our bodies can't digest the calcium in milk properly. So it's a wash. Plus. Calcium is found in a lot of other foods that more than make up for what you think you get out of milk.

Ok, all that being said.

I don't drink milk.

Except on cereal. Because let's get real.... There is absolutely NO substitute for milk on cereal. And believe me I've tried it all from soy milk(Which is just as bad for you, but in different ways.) to water, to orange juice to.... well that's mainly it. But nothing is as good as milk.

And I put creamer in my coffee. Daily.

And I cook with it.

Especially now that Brooke clued me into tomato soup made with milk. Um. Hello. A-Mazing.

But, I limit our intake. Because I do not believe it is healthy for you. In fact, one of the arguments in this book, and other research I've read is that Milk wasn't a normal part of humanities diet(And still isn't in other parts of the world. Although I'm not saying they are healthier parts of the world. Just making an observation.)until after the depression. In an effort to grow the business of dairy farmers across the US, the government started running adds on Milk being a great source of calcium and how we need it in our daily diets.

I know.

I sound like crazy conspiratorialist.

But that is also the reason we eat bacon for breakfast. An ad campaign run during World War Two to help pig farmers. Before the ads, bacon was a meat served for dinner. By making posters and billboards advertising bacon with breakfast, bacon sales had the potential of doubling.

Plus, think about all the ads that influence our lives and Milk introduced by the government doesn't seem so crazy.

Oreos in milk.

Taco Bells Fourth Meal.

Cheerios and Heart Health.

I mean, those are small examples, but please don't think I'm TOO crazy. And I'm not saying that oreos in milk aren't delicious OR that Taco Bell doesn't sound amazing at midnight, but those were efforts in advertising to introduce them into our minds as a way of life.

Ok. Moving off my crazy soap box to a different kind of crazy soap box.....

The discussion at Bible Study wasn't really about milk, but about Precocious Pubescence or girls and boys reaching puberty at an alarmingly young age. Like 8.

Yes, like 8 and 9 year old girls getting their periods!!!!!

Can you imagine????

How awful would that be for your daughter??? And what a long and terrible life ahead of her. Nobody should have to go through that many PMS cycles in one life time....

Or your ten year old son needing to shave? I'm sorry. I will not be trusting Stryker with a razor on his face before he is a teenager.

Not going to happen.

But apparently this is an issue sweeping our country. And what the ladies had said their doctor advised them to do about it if they started to see signs of early maturity was to switch to organic meat and organic milk, because some doctors believe the hormones in both could be what is causing the early onset of some of the worst years of our lives.

That was all I needed to hear.

I immediately called Zach. I mean literally, as soon as we were loaded into the car and leaving the parking lot, to tell him that as soon as we finished our gallon of milk we were switching to organic. I don't care how expensive it is.

Those were my words.

MY WORDS.

To which he of course laughed and balked and I could feel him over the cell phone air waves roll his eyes, but sure enough he came home that day with organic milk.

And HOLY SMOKING COW is it expensive!!!!!

It's one of the reasons we got a membership to Costco. I'm not even kidding.

The meat part we were already there, except for hamburger. But that's a different issue. And it all has to do with even organic hamburger using fillers in the meat if it is anything less than 85/15... So we just use 85/15, I drain the fat and we eat very, very, very little hamburger.

Since we switched I've done my own research into this issue and I've learned that it's not necessarily a conclusive study. There are fields of thought that blame Precocious Pubescence on Milk and Meat and there are fields of thought that blame it on the sexual freedom of the media, early maturity in a single parent home, obesity since children have to reach a certain weight to even begin puberty and the expansion of the population since Hispanic and African American girls seem to hit puberty before Caucasian girls.

But, I try to be an Err-On-The-Side-Of-Safe kind of mom. I mean, Alzheimers isn't definitively linked to aluminum, but we still bought new pots and pans to cover our bases.

You can argue with me all you want to about the safety of microwaves, but we don't have one in our house and when my doctor told me I couldn't stand within five feet of one whilst pregnant that was enough evidence for me to think that yes, something isn't safe about them.

So we are going to be safe again with Milk. And I am going to pay an arm and a leg to drink it. Even occasionally. Or once a day.

But here are some questions.... Because I have NO idea. And I'm not that learned in Organic products. Also, all my research hours this month were filled with the hormone/puberty/milk look up and so I have to get back to work and wait till June to research my newest and craziest decision.

:)

We bought our organic milk from Costco, which meant it came with three half gallons. This made me SUPER nervous since we drink milk so little.

But. Then. The expiration date on the cartons say June 27th. And we bought the milk on May 5th. How can this be true??? Why does organic milk have such a long expiration process??? Is it because of the pasturization, because that is my whole issue with milk to begin with...!!!

And also. We bought the Costco brand of Organic Milk, because that is all that they had. But, it doesn't say on the carton that it's hormone OR antibiotic free..... So is it?? Is that what Organic means and it's implied??? Or can some Organic milk still be treated with hormones and antibiotics????

I'm confused!!

Please tell me someone out there is buying organic too and can help!!

Sorry about this train ride into Crazy Town.

To end, my dearest Scarlett has started to nickname our family. Oh yes, she is coming up with all sorts of gems for us to be proud of.

First, she wants to name the new baby Slow Poke. And she assures me that since the name starts with an "S" it will be just fine.

She has suddenly started calling Stryker, "Chicken Bob." We have no idea why, or where she got this from, but the nickname has lasted for more than a week and that is a long time in three year old world.

And tonight I was given my very own nickname after she asked me what my middle name was. (Nancy Jo.)

She has decided to start calling me.... Yes the whole title..... Rachel Fancy Jo.

Yep.

I'm no longer mom. Or mommy. Or mother(Which sometimes comes out very sarcastically as "Yes Mother.........").

I'm Rachel Fancy Jo.

I am somehow NOT as worried about that child going to school....

Q&A

Ok, so here it is!!!

There were a TON of questions sent in and I tried to answer ALL of them. Some of them were asked multiple times, so if you don't see your specific question on here it is probably because I felt like I couldn't answer it a different way than what was already said.

Can I just say that I LOVED hearing from you guys. Seriously, all of the questions were amazing. And some were definitely more challenging than what I expected. So, hope you all enjoy this as much as I did!!!!

And the TWO winners of the signed paperback copy of Reckless Giveaway are announced at the end!!! Enjoy! :)

If the Star-Crossed Series was turned into a movie, who would you cast as Eden, Jericho, Kiran and Avalon?

This is one of my most favorite questions to answer, because as an obsessive day-dreamer, I can’t stop myself from thinking about who would play who!! So. Let’s see… Eden.. She is so difficult!!! But I’m thinking…. Selena Gomez. She has that spunk and sass that Eden needs. Plus she’s smokin’ hot!

For Kiran, I was actually watching a movie and literally jumped up from my seat because there was Kiran, on the TV screen, just acting away. (The movie was Red Riding Hood) Max Irons is Kiran incarnate for me. He’s even British!!

The entire character of Jericho holds a very special place in my heart, and so the actor has to be someone particularly right for the part. Nick D’Agusto is not only perfect for the role, but he’s also from Omaha, which I love!!!

And finally, our dearest Avalon…. I did an interview not that long ago where this question was asked, so I had gone through all the key roles and marked up a notebook trying to cast my movie perfectly. Avalon was my HARDEST to cast!! Well, Avalon and Talbott… but for entirely different reasons. So, after spending way too many hours on IMBD.com, I finally found Brant Daugherty to play Avalon!! He’s gorgeous, can be super sarcastic, and I think he could pull of the whole twin thing with Eden!!

Do you plan your plot out before you write, or do you just write what comes to you while you’re in the middle of it?

I would love to tell you that I plan everything out to the smallest detail, and that I’m super organized…. and that outlines are my best friends. But… the truth is most of what I write is thought out as I’m writing it. Some of the major plot points are planned, such as the way Hopeless ended. I knew Kiran would betray Eden as soon as I was finished writing Reckless. When I write a book, the entire story consumes my thoughts. I daydream the next plot points, or dialogue or cliff hanger, but quite a bit of the story still sneaks up on me! Sebastian was a total surprise, both when he entered the story and when I started to actually like him! Eden’s trip to India happened as I was writing it. I decided on the basic points of that part of the plot, but the details and India itself came out of my imagination exactly as they were being written. Maybe it’s a little bit of both, to answer the question, but usually I’m more surprised at the end of the book than I think readers ever will be!

How long did it take to write each book?

Reckless took me six months to write, but at that time I was just writing as a little hobby during free evenings. I gave Hopeless six months to write too, thinking that was a good time frame, but ended up writing the book in about six weeks. Fearless took me about the same amount of time and then Endless was more of a struggle. But as a disclaimer… I wrote Endless during my first trimester of my fourth pregnancy. It would have gone a lot faster, but I kept falling asleep on the keyboard!

Have you ever thought about writing another book to the series?

Not from Eden’s perspective. When I wrote the epilogue to Endless, I knew Eden’s story was finished. It was like it was all there, on paper and there was nothing left of me to give to her. I know there are interesting parts of her future that readers would love to read, but in my mind they are not enough to make an entire book. There are lots and lots of spin-offs I would love to do and more characters I would love to give voices to. There will be more books surrounding the series, but for me, Eden and Kiran have their happily ever after.

Why is the editing so bad in the Kindle Version of the first book?

This question and me, we’re like old friends! The editing is so bad in the Kindle version of Reckless because I published the book without ever sending it to an editor. And honestly, at the time I published it, I didn’t think it was all that bad…. With the following three books, I worked with my wonderful, amazing, talented aunt and she helped me clean them up, but still, she’s not a professional editor. After I published Endless, I finally felt like I was at a point in my writing, that it was time to take it, ahem… seriously. So I have since then hired the most fantabulous editor and she is working with me on all four books so that I can re-release them as edited versions of themselves and then offer them in print as well. And in truth, I don’t mistakes and I don’t notice problems… So I was kind of shocked when there were all these editing mistakes in Reckless. That being said, I’ve learned my lesson…. I will even have this Q&A edited!!

When is your ideal time to write?

This is a good question because right now… I’m not exactly sure! If you would have asked me this six months ago, I would have told you at night. I am a night-writer. As soon as I get my kidlets down for bed, I move to the computer and knock out as many chapters as I have inspiration for. But that was six months ago. Right now I’m in the middle of my second trimester with my fourth baby and now 7:30PM might as well be 3:30AM…. Plus, I’m kind of baby-brain-dead. So, in regular circumstances any time after dark is my best writing ambiance. But currently, I’m taking any waking moment I can get. And I literally mean waking-moment. That means if I’m taking a nap on top of my laptop I’m probably right in between scenes.

How did you come up with your main characters’ names?

Names are a very big deal to me. Every single character, even the smallest of them, are taken into serious consideration and I have to look up every single meaning of every single name to make sure it passes inspection before I can move on in the story. Eden is actually a tribute to a family I stayed with while in Germany for a couple weeks. They had four beautiful children and I fell in love with all of them and their names. Eden was their second born, and the first book I wrote (the one that will stay buried until I am buried…) I used their third child’s name, Noa, for the heroine.

Once I chose Eden, Avalon came as this natural kind of irony. Avalon means “Apple Tree.” I knew from the beginning that the birth of twins would be this forbidden concept and so together they are Eden, as in the “Garden of…” and “Apple Tree.” Kiran was a name I have always loved, and I liked the alliteration with his name Kiran Kendrick, but also his name means “Ray of Light.” Kiran, from the very beginning of the story, was always intended to have this giant struggle ahead of him, but in the end I wanted him to be literally a ray of light surrounded by darkness. Lilly, Jericho and Talbott were names that all just kind of fell into place with their characters. And other names, like Amory and Lucan, I researched.

Are you planning on writing the entire series from Kiran’s point of view?

I am not planning on writing the entire series over again from his point of view. This thought had never once crossed my mind until readers started asking for it and I have since then seriously considered doing it. But in the end, I decided it would not be beneficial to the story to re-write it from his side. Besides my fear that it would be boring, I think that the series is somewhat enhanced by the mystery of what you don’t see throughout the series. I will continue to do scenes from his perspective and post those for free on my blog though! And I am writing a novella from his perspective that will tell the story of how he and Avalon became such good friends! That will be out in June.

Were you influenced by Star Wars in writing this series?

Well, if you don’t know already, my husband is a HUGE Star Wars fan! In fact, the first movie Stella(my oldest) ever watched was A New Hope and she called Chewy by this cute little nickname: Baca; and when my girls play “Princesses” they always fight over which one can be Princess Leia. Oh yes, we are fans. But honestly, when I was writing Reckless, and the rest of the series I wasn’t thinking consciously about Star Wars or pulling inspiration from the movies. However, having so much day to day interaction with the Star Wars franchise, I can hardly say that they didn’t inspire me a little.

What is Kiran’s favorite football team and favorite player?

This question comes courtesy of my husband. So for Zach and in the best interest of our marriage, obviously his favorite team is Manchester United and his favorite player is the one and only Wayne Rooney.

I read that you have based Eden on yourself, personality-wise; did you base the other characters off the personalities of other people in your life?

Absolutely, although with big liberties. I am a huge believer in writing from personal experience as much as possible; I think that helps give the book authenticity and relatability. So Avalon is drawn from my own brothers, Lilly is the sweet side of my sister-in-law and Amory is an homage to my dad who passed away a few years ago.

What is your favorite book out of the series?

Ah!! I don’t know…. This is a seriously tough question!! They are all my favorites for different reasons, and I have favorite parts in all of them! But if I were to just go with my gut answer I would say Hopeless. The India section was one of my absolute favorite parts to write from the exotic atmosphere, to the clothes, to the servants, to the struggle with the Wind, and Kiran in the village, I just love it all. And I know the ending is heartbreaking, but truly, as the writer, I loved how the book ended because I knew where the story would continue to go.

Who, besides Kiran and Eden, is your favorite character in the series?

This is a really hard question too!! I honestly love every single one of my characters, they each became this living entity to me and I fell for all of them… hard. So, like Avalon and Jericho have very, very special places in my heart and that’s probably why they are going to get their own series. I just can’t say goodbye to them. But, I had the most fun writing Sebastian and Gabriel. I adore them both!

How did Amory pick who to place Eden and Avalon with?

At the time Angelica brought Eden and Avalon to Amory he had been assigned the Kingsley job as a kind of punishment. So the back story is that after Delia and Justice left, Amory was held prisoner in the Romanian castle (much like Avalon) until Lucan was certain Amory didn’t know where his daughter was and couldn’t help Lucan find her and was incapable of killing Amory. At that point, Lucan had to do something noble with Amory because he was such a pillar of the Immortal community, having been the original Oracle. So Lucan assigned him to the middle of America to be principal of a high school as this kind of slap in the face and that is where the prologue to Reckless picks up. Also at that time, Amory is a shell of a man, his wife has been murdered, his daughter has run away and he is basically a slave to the Monarchy that he hates. He has all but given up on his people and is working his way through a series of human distractions…. AKA women like Sylvia who make good company for a while, but eventually he moves on. Oh yes, I totally have this scandalous history for Amory. Anyway, Sylvia is his current…. paramour, but he sees her value and intellect and knows he can trust her with Eden. Plus, she is single, without family and putting herself through med school (Her reason for dating an older, wealthy gentlemen…..) and so he knows that a child would be good for her.

Amory was sure that Sylvia would take care of Eden, but was he ever somehow involved in Eden’s life?

He only watched Eden from afar, and would occasionally be in contact with Sylvia about her. The minute Eden and Avalon showed up everything changed for Amory, there was hope again for his people and something to live for. He couldn’t take the chance of someone finding out about Eden and so he stayed carefully away.

Who was Amory’s wife?

Amory’s wife was a Medium named Diana, and he married her in direct opposition to the Crown because she was the first and only woman who truly captured his heart. They had Delia, and then she was murdered by Lucan’s father Cedric. There is more to this story, but it will be revealed in the prequel about Eden’s parents!!

Who is Eden’s middle name named after?

Eden is named after Delia’s mother, Diana.

Will you ever go into the relationship between Amory and Sylvia?

Besides my explanation earlier…? My whole back-story on them is that they were lovers. Amory helped her through med school. He broke things amicably off with her, but she always held a candle for him. He was her first more-serious relationship and even though she was resigned to not having a future with him, she couldn’t help but always love him.

In the first book when Avalon shows up, you tell us he and Eden share a twin connection of the minds. Why doesn’t Eden notice this before?

Up until the first fight scene in the forest in Reckless, Eden has decided she is completely crazy. She ignores or suppresses as much magic as she can before things eventually blow up around her. This translates into an on-going struggle with her throughout the series; she is always fighting feeling human and being Immortal. She doesn’t notice Avalon because she is doing everything in her power NOT to notice Avalon. It’s the same reason she has never explored what her magic can do until it is explained to her, she is afraid of it and afraid of not being normal and living in serious denial (Something we could say Eden struggles with throughout the series… Denial).

Could Eden and Avalon shift into animals or was that a part of their magic they never used?

Yes! They control all four parts of their magic. Eden never tried to shift into anything because something like that would truly terrify her. But Avalon will get a chance to explore this side of this magic in his books!!

What does administering the Rebellion tattoo do for the Resistance?

The tattoo is mainly a tool used to recognize others in the Resistance. The idea of the Resistance has been with Amory since the beginning of the Monarchy and so the tattoo has been necessary throughout time to know who your enemies and friends are. Unfortunately Amory’s different Rebellions have always failed, until Eden and Avalon. But the tattoo is also a symbol of choosing goodness over complacency and even more so, evil. And the reason that those with the tattoo have magic that feels lighter to Eden is my literal interpretation of someone choosing light over darkness.

Why is the tattoo process so painful?

The process is painful because the magic that is put into their body physically alters their current magic to make it visible on the outside of their body. The tattoo that shows up on their skin in the symbol of a snake is not a natural process for Immortals. Since their magic is such an integral part of their genetic makeup, the tattoo process is equivalent to a surgery without painkillers. It hurts. And their magic is what’s being altered, so they can’t use it to heal their bodies or take away the pain.

How does the tattoo affect their magic?

The only thing that it really affects is the image of the snake on their neck so that they can prove their allegiance to other Resistance members. But, as I said earlier, I wrote it to feel lighter as a symbol of goodness.

Why is Eden’s Rebellion tattoo the only one always visible?

Eden’s tattoo is visible simply because she did it wrong! The idea of the tattooing process is a long complicated ceremony where Immortals are supported and taken care of by other Immortals. Plus, when Angelica does it for them, she knows when to stop. Eden, in her normal fashion, does it herself on the spur of the moment and she basically does it wrong and leaves it on her neck for too long. I just liked the idea of her having one more quirk about her!

Why isn’t Avalon’s tattoo visible?

Avalon had his done right. Angelica administered his tattoo and they went through all the right rituals and healing processes.

How does Eden change the color of the necklace? Is it because she has all four types of magic or because she is the Oracle, or some other reason?

The necklace is created to change to the color of whoever is wearing the magic. So if Lilly would have put it on, the necklace would have turned violet. Eden turns the necklace royal blue at first, which is a color not yet seen in the Immortal world. After India, and her union with the Magical Wind there, she can control the color of her magic and therefore the color of the necklace. But after Peru, she drains the necklace of the magic and it remains black from then on.

Did Bianca, Amelia and Seraphina join the Resistance?

Bianca did not join the Resistance, but she did emotionally change sides. Amelia and Seraphina both joined. And I will go over their story in Kiran’s novella!

Why does Bianca try to hide Amelia from Lucan?

Bianca was never a “good” character until the last book. She was Lucan’s sister, born and raised to privilege and a complete believer in the Monarchy and all that they stood for. Up until Eden takes Sebastian’s magic at the end of Hopeless, there is complete trust between Bianca and Lucan. Sebastian and Amelia spend as much time with Lucan and Analisa as they can and it’s kind of this idealistic picture of a big, happy family.

But then Eden takes Sebastian’s magic and he is left mortal. There is a behind the scenes relationship shift here, in which Lucan stops having anything to do with Sebastian. In Lucan’s eyes, without magic, Sebastian might as well be dead and if Sebastian wasn’t his nephew, Lucan would have killed him already. Sebastian is allowed to live and maintain his place in the Kingdom only because he’s Bianca’s son, although it’s truly an embarrassment to Lucan. Once Eden kidnaps Sebastian, Lucan believes it’s the solution to his problems.

Bianca sees this, watches how her own brother, whom she loves, betrays her family and the wool is pulled from her eyes. She can now see Lucan for the monster he truly is and when Eden returns Sebastian not only still living, but with his magic intact, she also sees who the good guys are for the first time.

So with Amelia, Bianca has no more misconceptions about exactly how far Lucan’s loyalty to her family goes, and she wants to protect her children at all costs. To Bianca, keeping Amelia away from Lucan is the only way to protect her, but she cannot blatantly go up against him without facing death herself. And if she died, then he would control her children completely.

What is Amelia’s magic?

Amelia is Lucan’s niece, so she is part Medium, part Witch. Her father is Medium, and her mother is half and half, so she is stronger on the Medium side.

Is Amelia special in a way that Bianca wants to hide her from Lucan?

She isn’t special in a way that would be dangerous to Lucan. Bianca wants to hide her because she wants to protect her.

What is Gabriel’s magic?

Gabriel is a Witch, and we get to see more of his story in the prequel about Delia and Justice!

How was Kiran able to be at the end of the cave to meet Eden when she finished her walk without keying his dad into their relationship?

He was with his family observing the Walk, and that is why he was able to leave his father to meet Eden at the end of it. Plus, he was truly worried about her, and wasn’t going to let anything stop him from checking on her. It is in India that Kiran lets his father begin to see how much he cares for Eden in hopes that Lucan will change his mind about his betrothal.

Why did Amory feel it was the right time to give up his life in the end of book 2?

Amory’s story is actually very, very sad. He views his Immortality as a curse more than anything. He had to watch his Kingdom hand themselves over to the Monarchy and subsequently watch their downfall as death and sickness were introduced to them. He has lost everyone he has ever cared about, including the murders of his fellow oracles, the murder of his wife and then his daughter when she chose to run away with her husband. Until Eden and Avalon he has all but given up hope for a better life for his people, they seem comfortable to live with the King’s Curse and prejudice and injustice that surround them and it seems he is the only one that remembers a better way of life.

However, at the end of book two, he has glimpsed the future. He is able to see, really for the first time, a better life for the Kingdom. Through Avalon he can see the prejudice and injustice demolished, along with the tyrannical Monarchy. And through Eden and Kiran he can see the magic united and restored. He is at a crossroads when fighting Lucan and knows that his battle could continue as it always had, where it seems to be him against the Monarchy, or he can sacrifice himself for his cause and give his magic to Eden in hopes that she can do more than what he was able to do with it. Obviously, he chooses the second choice and even though there are still lots of uncertainties about his choice, he couldn’t see beforehand that Eden would blame Kiran for his death or that Eden wouldn’t immediately use his magic to free her brother and the rest of the Resistance. In the end, his instincts were right though.

If Kiran was going to sacrifice himself to get Avalon free, did Seraphina know she would not become Kiran’s wife?

Yes, Seraphina was always a part of the plan, but at that point in Seraphina’s life she had really become disillusioned with the whole Monarchy and was tired of being their puppet. Her involvement with the plan was her own act of rebellion before she joined the Resistance.

How much did Seraphina and Sebastian know about Kiran and Avalon’s plan at the end of book 3?

They knew, but I will really get into this in Kiran’s novella!!

How did Analisa and Lucan end up together?

I will also get into this in the prequel about Delia and Justice, but in short, Analisa was part of the group of students that studied with Delia and Lucan shortly after Lucan became King. Analisa and Delia were very good friends….

Did Analisa ever love Lucan or was she forced into marriage with him?

No, Analisa never loved Lucan, but she was enticed by his crown at first.

How does Analisa tolerate Lucan’s love/hate feelings for Delia? Or being his second choice?

Analisa’s entire personality kind of revolves around her being Lucan’s second choice. That Lucan never wanted her as his wife, and never treated her as though he really loved her truly affects her self-esteem and confidence. She has to live with not only Lucan’s residual love for Delia, but his obsession with finding her as well. Lucan has a team of Titans constantly looking for Delia; he almost becomes obsessed with Eden in an attempt to give his son the opposite outcome of his own life. So really, Analisa is broken by the end of Endless. She is after all a woman, and despite her less than loving feelings for Lucan she has had to live two centuries feeling inadequate and second string. In a way, her story is very similar to Amory’s before he has Eden and Avalon. Her life is reduced to service for the Crown, she is a prisoner. So when the choice for freedom is given to her in the form of Lucan’s death, she takes it.

Did Delia ever have romantic feelings for Lucan?

In Endless I reveal that Delia loved Lucan at one point. But more on that in the prequel…

When Eden and Kiran finally consummate their marriage, how does the magic change between them?

When they finally consummate their marriage the whole Two Become One thing literally comes true between them. Throughout the books and the make-out scenes we see how their magic wraps up together when they are intimate. Even when Eden leaves Kiran and he starts to die, the idea is because their magic has become dependent on each other and can’t survive without the other. Eden has the benefit of being truly Immortal, but Kiran’s magic is weaker. So when they become husband and wife in the literal sense on their wedding night, their magic is finally completely united. Forever forward, the magic is shared between them. (And if you are wondering what would happen if one of them died, and would the other one then die, like Kiran almost did? The answer is no. The magic is the same between them and self-sufficient after they are united.)

Once the marriage is consummated, does Kiran really have Immortality?

Yes! The magic is completely shared and united between them.

Why did you never show the wedding night between Kiran and Eden?

Oh boy…. Honestly, when I was writing the end to Endless, I didn’t think it would be missed. I am a Young Adult writer…. for a reason…. I am blushing just thinking about this question!!! In my opinion the story was complete without a wedding night, but also I want to always write to my strengths. Meaning, I didn’t want my readers walking away feeling confused and maybe a little traumatized, which is what I feel like would be what happened if I even attempted to get too intimate with my characters!

What happens to Jericho after the series is over?

Jericho’s story will definitely continue, along with Avalon. I am shooting for Fall of 2012 for their first book.

Did you ever think of putting Sebastian and Eden together?

No, I didn’t. I felt like the girl had enough problems between Jericho and Kiran. But I did have to yell at Sebastian every once in a while for flirting with the poor girl!!

There’s so much potential for spin-offs from other characters. I know you’re thinking of doing Avalon’s, but if you were to choose between the other couples from the series which would you prefer to write and why?

Oh my word, there are so many couples! I think Talbott and Lilly have a beautiful story and part of me would love to explore more of their journey. They are together at the end of Endless, but they have a long way to go before the Kingdom accepts them as a couple. Also, I would love to give Sylvia a man!! I think in Avalon’s story we will see a lot more of Sebastian and Seraphina, Jericho of course and even Kate and Jon Summer.

How is it that Eden can fall for Jericho so fast?

Well, she doesn’t really fall for him. I mean, she does in the sense that they get together, but her heart always belongs to Kiran. She loves Jericho, but not in the same way that she does Kiran. She realizes this when it doesn’t take her much of anything to get over Jericho. She was always waiting on Kiran. But remember she’s only 17. I think it’s hard for any girl, let alone a confused teenager to know for sure that they have found the man they are going to marry. Eden moves on to Jericho because she is attracted to him, and she cares deeply for him, they are also going through the exact same thing, but the love she feels for him is not nearly the love she holds for Kiran. And that is part of her struggle. She has to mature enough to walk away from something easy and safe and choose the difficult but most rewarding path.

What was going through Kiran’s mind the very first time he saw Eden in the lobby at school?

The boy was smitten. Yes, Eden is gorgeous and all that. But she is also different than anything Kiran has met. She didn’t recognize him, she didn’t fawn at his feet for being the Prince, she isn’t using her magic and there is a vulnerability to Eden because of her confusion with who she is that begs for a knight in shining armor. Kiran couldn’t help himself but become obsessed with the curiosity she sparks in him.

I love this series with all my heart and I was fatefully in love with Kiran the whole time. I want to know, do you love him too? Is he as much a part of your life as he is to us?

Oh yes, yes, yes!!! I adore Kiran!!! He was the most heartbreaking character to write, but also the most rewarding. I knew from the very beginning that I didn’t want some perfect hero that would always be right and the reader would always know how they felt about him. I wanted a hero that would actually earn the readers love, that would make them unsure about him, or hate him, and then fall completely in love with him and that is what I hoped I accomplished with Kiran. I never wanted him to be obvious or perfect. He had his own journey, and Eden had her own journey and what I hoped to get across throughout the series is that we are flawed and love is flawed but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t growth or hope. So in the end, their paths came back together and they were better people at the end. They could have a greater love in the end because of what they had gone through and the people they both became.

Did you have trouble deciding between Jericho and Kiran?

Well, I want to say “no,” because I named the series the Star-Crossed Series and the whole plot is a play off of Romeo and Juliet. So I want to tell you absolutely not, that it was always Kiran. But I can’t lie!! There were times that even I wondered if Kiran was redeemable or if Eden could really get over her bitterness. Plus, I loved Jericho and I wanted him happy!!! I remember one conversation with my sister in law in particular when she said, “Rachel, you named the series the Star-Crossed Series!! You have to go with Kiran!” I think I replied in my most childish, whiny voice ever… “But I don’t want to!!!!” Still, it really was always Kiran and I had to take the journey right with everyone else and come back to him.

It’s obvious from your blog, that Eden has a whole lot of you in her. Is her Kiran/Jericho/Eden triangle also from life experience? Or did it just make for a better story?

Lol, no. It’s not. I don’t even know what I would have done with two perfect boys fighting over me. Probably remind them that they had mistaken me for someone else…. Ha! But I did start dating my husband when we were 17 and I did pull the confusion and indecision of what it’s like to be in love that young. The love-triangle just kind of happened; I didn’t necessarily plan for Jericho to step up to the plate. But I always knew that Eden would struggle with finding her epic love that young. That age has some of the greatest, strongest, most passionate feelings when it comes to love and some of the most hauntingly confusing ones as well, and that was definitely drawn from personal experience.

You thought about killing Kiran off, would Jericho have been her future?

I can’t answer this because truthfully I don’t know. When it was a real possibility for Kiran to die, Eden’s choices at that point were to Dream Walk with Kiran or have the story go in an entirely different way and for her and Jericho to rule together. But because Kiran’s death was such a short-lived idea I never really thought my way through the ending. I will tell you though that even with the current ending; Jericho did at one point, even for a small second have a real chance with Eden.

Do you find that who we root for (Kiran vs. Jericho), as readers, reflect more on our personalities or your writing?

Absolutely the readers!!! Not in every case, but sometimes I can read a review, especially before Endless was released and see exactly the type of guy the reviewer was into! Sometimes I can persuade a reader to love or hate Kiran depending on how I am writing, and a lot of readers were convinced at the end of the series to love Kiran, but I think this is still a reflection on what kind of man they prefer. Kiran changed thus winning their approval, thus meeting their standards.

Will you write a novella for the wedding night?

At this point, no, I will not. And not just because I have not wrapped my mind around how to write it, what to put in it, what to leave out, does it turn into erotica if I just write about the wedding night or will I turn it into erotica…., is this necessary to the story….? And all that jazz… But at this point in my writing schedule, raising three kids, getting ready for another one and taking care of my hubby and the house I just don’t have the time. But I am currently coming out with Kiran’s novella and Starbright, both of which are scheduled for June releases. And in the fall I hope to have the second installment of the Starbright series, plus the first book in either Avalon’s story or the Parents’ prequel. So maybe you won’t get to experience the wedding night, but I do have lots of exciting things coming up!!!!

Thank you everyone who sent in a question and made this Giveaway SO much fun!!!

Hope you all enjoyed the answers and maybe found out some things you didn't know.

The two winners of the Giveaway are: April from the Blog Comments and Johanna Sandoval from Facebook!!!!

Congrats ladies!!!

My email address is rachel.higginson@live.com, if you would email me your info I will send them to you as soon as they come available!!!!!